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The Conversation ·For the curious

How to Be Grateful to Someone – Even When You Really Don’t Want To

by Mark Schroeder, Professor of Philosophy, USC Dornsife College of Letters, Arts and Sciences

Published 2026-07-15 12:11:25+00:00

When someone does you a favor, does it matter if they are also helping themselves?

0:00 / 6:43 · Narrator Charon

Context

When a partner finally washes the dishes or a relative moves across the country to help with childcare, the expected response is gratitude. But sometimes the feeling just refuses to arrive. Writing for The Conversation on 15 July 2026, a philosopher looks at the actual mechanics of saying thank you. The essay asks a surprisingly practical question: what separates being glad a good thing happened from actually feeling grateful to the person who did it? The answer comes down to how we choose to read their motives.

Show notes

An explanation of why it is often hard to feel thankful toward someone who helps you, even when you know you should. Drawing on philosophy and personal experience, the argument distinguishes between being glad an event happened and feeling personal gratitude toward the person who caused it. It outlines how our assumptions about a person's motives can block our gratitude, and offers a practical method for changing that perspective.

Read on The Conversation →