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McSweeney's Internet Tendency ·Small delights

I’m Cyclosporiasis, the Explosive Diarrhea Parasite, and I’m Pivoting to Music

by Jess Keefe

Published 2026-07-13 08:00:00-04:00

When a stomach bug finally finds the fame it worked for, what does it do for an encore?

0:00 / 4:44 · Narrator Vindemiatrix

Context

Health alerts usually stick to dry lists of symptoms and grocery store recalls. In this satire from 13 July 2026, a stomach parasite gets a guitar and a desperate need for a career change. The story turns a miserable infection into a parody of the modern celebrity pivot. By treating a public health scare like a press tour for a new album, the piece finds a strange, gross comedy in how everyone—even a single-celled organism—is looking for their big break.

Show notes

A satirical first-person account of the parasite Cyclosporiasis and its attempt to launch a music career following a series of national outbreaks. The narrator describes the effort required to cause a public health crisis and details plans to record an album for its human hosts.

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